Always
by Ruby-Moon507
Summary: It always ends this way. The screams are always caught in my chest, gritting my teeth, arching never releasing. You never speak, never. RoyxEd Elricest... and a suprise pairing for 3rd chapter!
1. Always

It always ends this way.

The screams are always caught in my chest, gritting my teeth, arching never releasing. You never speak, never, all you do is open the door and close it quietly. You ordered me not to scream the first time, you didn't have to tell me twice…I always try to follow orders after all. I jerk slightly and clamp my teeth on your shoulder, biting and scratching like the dog im told I am.

You give one last thrust and your body jerks, your face screws in ecstasy and your mouth opens a gasp falling from your lips. You collapse over me, your breath playing over my sweat soaked skin snaking back to play with my hair. I swallow words im too nervous… too cowardly to say. You wouldn't listen even if I did tell you, you would probably think im making it up, lying to you… any excuse to deny what I've said. You never believe me or show me any respect… maybe you do… I just don't see it.

After awhile you lift your hands from my skin, trailing over my hips and chest before you place them beside me, using them to lever yourself into an upright position. You disentangle yourself from the blankets and my own form, turning your back on me. The teeth marks on your shoulder and the nail prints do nothing for me, not now, not now that your leaving. Unknowingly, by staring I make you flinch. You suddenly stand

"Stop that!" you snap at me.

In the light coming from the open window you dress. First picking up the underwear you discarded last, I don't know how it got onto my chair. You don't look at me at all, and, as you buckle your belt I know you never will, not till we see each other in the crowded halls, or in another's presence, you've never looked at me that way. Possibly if you want to you will come again tomorrow… possibly. Im never the one who decides when and where these couplings will take place, neither what happens in them. All im certain of is one thing.

You always take control.

I don't know why you do, perhaps you love it. Enjoy it possibly, after all, its just another way of putting me in my place right? But… how should I know, im just a child compared to you. I don't claim to be a mind reader, and your far more complicated than most people I've had the pleasure (or displeasure) to meet. I always hope that maybe someday I can figure you out, maybe someday.

You walk towards the door, now safe in the knowledge that you wont be speaking to me I sigh and turn on my side, pulling the covers around me. Wincing slightly as my spine screams in protest then I relax, lying still. You've stopped moving, the doors not opening. Your still here. I shiver and curl in tighter, refusing myself to even look at you, I scrunch my closed eyes tighter but the tears continue to will themselves to fall soaking into my pillow. I hear you move closer and in a fit of frustration whip the pillow from beneath my head, whirling around and chucking it in your direction.

"GET OUT!" I yell as it hits you in the face, or maybe not, you lower it slightly and look at me "DON'T JUST STAND THERE YOU TWAT! MOVE!" I choke out a gasp before flinging myself back into the pillows hugging one to my chest in a vain attempt to stop shaking. Yes… im shaking, that's how much you scare me, That's how much you thrill me, what just a simple look can do. Under the right circumstances, needless to say that was one of them and you didn't even speak to me. You never speak to me.

The bed creaks slightly as you sit down, I slide backwards into the dip you've made, your arms curling around my waist, you lift me up into your lap. Like a rag doll, I remain limp, I know better than to refuse you. You smile slightly and cradle me against your chest.

"You know you don't really mean that don't you?" your voice is soft, I don't think I've actually ever heard it this way before. I sniff lightly and bury my head in your uniform shirt, Im still crying, tears silently falling down my face. When I don't answer you hold me away from you slightly, a confused, upset look over your features. "you- you don't. Do you?" I lift my head and look you in the eyes you look so afraid… I smile softly and laugh hollowly "you know I don't…" you smile and pull me close. I sigh softly and lift my arms clinging around your neck, crying again… what's the matter with me? You let out a relieved sigh and make to stand up. I clutch you tighter. You struggle slightly and let out a moan of discomfort.

"I need to go-"

"stay" I plead gasping slightly as you move again "please, just- just a little longer… like this, I wont bother you anymore if you do"

You relax slightly your arms returning to their previous position. You bury your head in the crux of my neck and sigh deeply. I feel you begin to trace patterns on my skin and I relax under your touch, the covers wrapped round me are pulled a tad lower as your hand circles lower. Warmth trails from your fingertips, my tiered nerves loosing their locked positions, I sag slightly.

"you've never done this before" I manage to say, you laugh lightly something that vibrates down to my toes… the human ones anyway.

"You've never asked me to stay" I swallow and gently press my lips to your pulse point, you inhale sharply.

"I didn't think you would listen… or know that you wanted to" I sigh "all I knew is that you never looked at me, you never spoke from beyond that first time, afterwards it was just… as if I- as if I wasn't needed anymore"

You loosen your grip on me as I pull back staring you in your eyes… those dark midnight blue eyes…

"am I needed? Can you tell me?"

I look down at you, those amber eyes that ive learned I cant refuse. Are you needed? Are you so insecure that you don't know the answer to that one? You of all people should know that, being as young as you are… as brave… as… amazing.

Okay

I swore myself never to speak to you in a friendly tone.

I swore never to let you get hurt again.

I swore that somehow I would get you to be happy continuously.

I wanted to make you hate this position so badly that you would give up alchemy and become a normal person, so you would never have to fight again. So you would never have to see death ever again.

I promised myself that I would look after you and keep my distance.

Needless to say I failed on all accounts, though I suppose you would be dead five hundred times over if you hadn't been with us here.

Then I decided, if I couldn't have what I wanted from you I would take the smallest amount I could. I wouldn't take your love, I wouldn't take your touch, I above all would not involve you in any of my affairs. What is so ironic is that you want all this, you want all this as bad as I do. You want me, you want who I am. I can tell, you are just that easy to read, your always so open. Im sorry if I have been so cold… it was the only way I could stay sane. Im sorry I forbade you to scream… I would have lost myself so completely with you if it had been so.

I smile softly, lean closer till my nose touches yours. Your eyes are wide, afraid, apprehensive and above all full of need, of want, something so primal that I liken your eyes to that of a predator before I remember your waiting for an answer.

I kiss you gently and after hesitation you melt into my arms.

"Always"


	2. Never

Ahh… second part, gomen nasai for taking so long… this has been in my head for a long time and I just got around to putting it into context.

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA if I did… these fanfics would not be written, they would be in episodes.

**WARNING TO THOSE WHO DO NOT LIKE FLUFF! (OR IMPLIED ELRICEST) TURN BACK NOW!... OR YOU _COULD_ CARRY ON AND READ A MOST EXELLENT FIC. **smirk

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I watch as you smile, watch you as you laugh standing there with him as you talk about non-essential things. As you touch the sleeve of his uniform lightly he looks down, a flush settles across your nose, fanning out like a butterfly over your cheeks. Your eyes widen slightly as he leans down, brushing the back of his hand over your cheek, shifting your hair he leans close and whispers in your ear.

"WHO DID YOU JUST CALL SHORT _AND _CUTE LIKE A TEDDY BEAR!"

I cant help but shake my head as you chase him in circles, he laughs as he out distances you easily "Edo I said you are as short and cute as a teddy bear… not _like_" he laughs gaily as you carry on running, eventually falling to the ground in despair of ever catching the ever elusive colonel. You roll onto your back, eyes opening wide as he leans over you.

My breath hitches as his face nears yours, my eyes fill with tears as you also catch your breath, the cruel likeness of our actions only highlighting my despair. I clench my teeth and face away seconds later I hear you moan softly.

Still facing away from you both I call out over my shoulder "I'll tell the gang you guys are busy okay?" the small sounds break off and I can feel your gaze boring into my back. The soft whisper as you try to move, then the thump as you physically push him off. I try to move, try to stop the tears that are falling down, staining my cheeks. Your heavy hand caresses my shoulder I clench my fists and lower my head, trying so hard not to let the tears show.

"Al?"

Your soft voice, a voice that till only a few nights ago was mine only to hear. Mine, then _he_ took you away from me, I never expected you of all people to go for the normal type. Mr Tall Dark _and_ Handsome, the perfect man… not Small Light and Childish… I know im not what your looking for, and you deserve the best nii-san, im more than sorry that I couldn't keep my promise… at least you have everything else in the world you could want now.

You turn me around and im not surprised to see _him_ at your side, as tall as he is… god, he's far too tall for you, not that im implying that your short… quite the opposite, I realise now that he _is freakishly _tall (even though Major Armstrong is taller)

Im more your height… or your more mine, we would be so perfect together, after all we've been through I cant stand the thought of the fact that someone else gets to touch you when I should be the one feeling you skin against mine.

Ive been without your touch for so long… and its cruel of you to narrow it down to arms necks and cheeks, to not be able to touch your chest or legs, to not be able to tidy your hair for you in the morning.

To not be able, as I tie your hair, to place a kiss on the skin that I reveal. That you would, instead of turning round and staring before smiling you would let me carry on kissing, down your neck to your shoulder, over scarred tissue and an automail limb. If I recall correctly (which most of the time I don't) you didn't cry out a once when it was attached. Ive seen you helpless, if we didn't have mechanics like Winry I imagine you would need me to do everything for you. Not like I would ever complain anyway. I would do anything for you… I cant say to hell and back because we've done that already.

Even though it causes me great pain to see you this way, staring into my eyes with worry and confusion instead of the love I yearn for I know that this is the equivalent exchange we believed we avoided. You will never love me that way, even if you tell me that you would gladly exchange Roy in return for my eternal well-being… I still am not your most beloved.

I am pulled back to reality as I am pulled to the ground, kneeling, I hide my face in your chest feeling your hand run through my hair while the other remains firmly on my back. Roy has left us to our own devices and is no doubt at the moment traipsing back to East Headquarters with a moody look.

No doubt he will blame me for interrupting his little game, though I don't deny you are so cute when you get angry. The tears still fall and you hold me tighter.

"Alphonse… why wont you tell me?"

My breathing stops, as you angle your head downwards cheek brushing my ear, lips breathing warm air down my neck.

"Tell you what… nii-san?" I add the part hurriedly, so as not to sound rude, you chuckle lightly.

"Whatever you want to tell me that's been eating up your insides over the past week… I know its about me…" You sigh and then pull away. Kneeling in front of me hands still holding mine.

"You know you can tell me anything Al… even if its something bad… I wont hate you for it" I stare at my hands and intertwine them with yours "its not about Roy and I is it?" I look up startled at the sadness in your voice, you cock your head to one side and stare at me "does the idea of us bother you? Is that what you want to-"

"Iie" You stop as I speak I lower my head and shake it softly "its not that nii-san… im happy for you" I look up at your pained gasp and I smile sadly when I see the realisation in your eyes.

"even though it causes me pain to not be with you, I am happy that you are happy-" a tear rolls down your cheek as we stare into each others eyes "-even if im not the one making you smile I can live with that, as long as I get to see you when you do smile" I lift my hand and run it over your cheek, wiping away the tears. I close my eyes as your warm hand wraps around it, pulling it away, for a moment I feel overcome with grief and pain, unable to even think beyond the fact that you now hate me… that is… till you bring it to your lips.

I open my eyes and stare, unable to believe the warmth that flows through me at that simple gesture. "Al," your whispering now "I love you… more than anything or anyone in this world… even myself… and I-" You open your eyes and look up at me "I would never do anything to cause you pain, you was what kept me going all those years… through everything that happened you were there for me and I was there for you"

You look up at me earnest and true "We stood by each other no matter what the consequences, and I will do the same even now!" I cant help the pained sob that chokes me as if forces its way out.

"Demo… nii-san…"

You stand your red jacket billowing with the motion the tears that are falling glittering in the sun "I DON'T CARE!"

"Anything you want is worth much more than my happiness"

"I _want_ you to be happy! That's all I want!"

You take a breath "Then why confess it? Why confess it at all? You knew I will do anything for you!"

I bow my head "I _Love_ you nii-san… nothing can change that, in time I guess I will get over it, find another to love as much as I do you… but that's impossible"

I feel the fingers under my chin, cold steel and am reminded again of my failure to keep my promise. I wrap my fingers of both hands around that powerful but delicate wrist and tug slightly "You will always be my most precious person nii-san… even if I am not yours"

You stare, something soft and something bordering on pity, till the look clears and you step closer till we are barely an inch apart. You smile softly, tip-toeing to reach my cheek as you place a gentle slow kiss there.

You pull back and stare into my eyes, both of us shaking slightly, both eyes shimmering, twin tears falling down our faces. You shake your head and laugh slightly.

"If you want to… you can kiss me in public… if you want to you can hug me and hold me and carry me on your shoulders again, if you want you can crawl into my bed at night and we will talk and I will hold you if your frightened or lonely… just know that no matter how you are, whatever you decide I will always be here for you… I'll never leave your side"

My heart swells as I pull you close feeling the emotion strengthen as I rest my chin on your forehead, I feel your arms wrap round me and we stand still… the sunlight pouring through the leaves of the tree to fall in pools around us.

"Never nii-san?"

"Hai" You murmur softly

"Never"

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